If Axel Married Kairi
by The All Real Numbers Symbol
Summary: Contest entry for Kaiora's contest. So what would life be like if Axel and Kairi got married? Let's find out. XX seperate story XX


**What if… Kairi married Axel?**

You know, speaking of crack pairings…

Now let me see, how _would_ this come about? In similar stories, truth or dare often works, so let's go with that. Kairi, Sora, and Riku are playing Truth or Dare…

"_So Kairi, truth or dare?" Riku asked._

_Kairi thought about it for a moment, and then said, "Dare."_

"_I dare you to marry Axel."_

After Sora stopped having a heart attack all over the floor, our heroes would proceed to the Castle that Never Was, where Kairi would propose to Axel. Upon hearing this, Larxene will start seething and plotting Kairi's murder. Sure, Axel's never looked twice in her direction, but she still thinks of him as hers, and has promised herself to get his attention someday. Although electrocuting him to get his attention didn't help her chances. So Larxene will go off to plot murder. (Murder is illegal, but Larxene is a Heartless so she doesn't care.)

But anyway, back to the point.

"_Axel, will you marry me?" Kairi asked._

_Axel blinked. "What?"_

"_Will you marry me?" Kairi repeated._

_Axel laughed, and then said, "No."_

_But then Riku tapped on his shoulder. Motioning for the Nobody to come closer, Riku whispered something in his ear. Axel's eyes got wide; he gagged, and then threw a hand across his mouth. When he regained his composure, he replied, "Yes, I'll marry you."_

At this, Sora would begin seething with anger, and he would go off to start plotting Axel's murder. (Murder is illegal, but Axel is a Heartless so Sora doesn't care.)

And so, with an agreement made, Kairi would go off to start planning her wedding, Axel would walk away wondering why he was the poor unfortunate soul sucked into marrying the Kairi. ("Why couldn't it have been Sora?")

Do you wanna know what Riku said to Axel to make him agree? Well, there's another curious soul (or non-soul) in the Organization who also wants to know.

_Vexen walked up to Riku. "What did you say to Axel to make him agree?"_

"_Oh, I just told him that if he doesn't marry Kairi, people will begin to think he's homosexual and start writing stories pairing him up with Roxas." Riku replied._

_At that disturbing thought, Vexen turned about four shades of green and backed away._

So finally the day of the wedding would come. (Too soon for either of the people involved.)

Axel was standing on the top step of the church stage. One step below him was Demyx, who was humming and dancing a little dance. Demyx had been picked for Best man because the only other options had been Saix (who would be just as happy to try killing Axel as Sora currently is) or Roxas. (And Axel didn't want to give anybody any ideas.)

"_Duh-duh, duh-duh-duh-duh." Demyx sang to himself as he danced in place._

"_Would you stop dancing?" Axel asked irritably. "This is a funeral, not a dance floor." Axel suddenly ducked as a large rock aimed at his head (by someone (coughSoracough) outside) shattered a window and flew out the one on the other side of the room._

_Demyx' jaw dropped. "Someone threw a rock at your head!"_

_Axel nodded. "I know. Sora's trying to kill me."_

"_Why would he do that?"_

"_Because I'm marrying his girlfriend." Axel replied._

"_How did THAT happen?"_

"_I was somehow roped into it." Axel shuddered at the thought of AkuRoku._

Yep. That's how it happened. And so, Axel and Kairi got married. Now, don't think that just because Sora's first attempt to kill Axel didn't work, he's out of ideas. Although he made no more attempts on the wedding day. But it important to note that at the reception, the wedding cake somehow managed to hit Axel in the face. Demyx swears he saw someone who looked like Sora standing by the cake table, but immediately after this announcement, Sora was noted to be thirty feet away on the other side of the room. To this day, that mystery has not been solved.

Eventually, Axel decided that, maybe be married wasn't so bad. Even if it was to Kairi. Now he had someone to cook, clean, and do his laundry. Of course, he'd never say that out loud while Kairi is around.

And I suppose they'd have kid, like most married people do. Now what would they name this kid? I asked my brother this question, and he said Jeff. So Jeff it is.

Jeff won't get chakrams like his father, but he will get power over fire. Said power will lead to quality father-son time as Axel teaches Jeff how to control his fire after Kairi gets tired of having things burnt.

12 years into the future…

_Kairi strode out to the backyard, where Axel was practicing with his Chakrams. "Axel we need to talk." _

_Axel caught his chakrams and turned to face Kairi. "What about?"_

_Just then, a ticking time bomb landed in the yard, in front of Axel's feet. He quickly kicked into their neighbor's yard. Riku, their neighbor who worked as a hired hit man for Organization XIII, was coming outside at just that moment, and caught the bomb in his hands. It blew up in his face a moment later._

'Serves him right for making me marry Axel.' _Kairi thought_. 'Although I have to admit, he isn't _that _bad.'

"_Sorry, Sora." Axel called to Sora, who was hiding behind a bush. "You'll have to try harder." _

"_Rats!" Sora slunk off to figure out his next plan to kill Axel. _

_Axel then turned back to Kairi. "What did you need to talk about?" _

"_I'm tired off Jeff burning things because 'he's bored.' I wonder where he learned _that_ from."_ _Kairi gave Axel a pointed glance. "So I want you to teach him how to control his powers."_

"_Okay." Axel said as he went back into the house._

_Kairi stood in the yard for a moment, looking at the view. But a moment later she stepped to the side a lightning hit where she'd been standing._

_On the roof of the house, Larxene snarled. "Darn it, I missed."_

"_What are you doing on the roof of our house?" _

_Larxene turned around at the sound of the confused voice, and stared at the kid to whom the confused voice belonged to. "Who are you?" She asked._

"_I'm Jeff, and I live here."_

"_You live here?!?" Larxene nearly screamed. "Are you like, Axel and Kairi's kid?"_

_Jeff nodded._

"_No! Now I'll never get Axel back! I'll just have to go find Marluxia." She decided. Jeff took a few steps back as Larxene vanished into a portal, and then he went to find his dad._

"_Hey Dad, there was a crazy lady up on the roof!"_

But they'd raise their kid, send him to college, avoid attacks from Sora and Larxene, and grow old together. Can nobodies grow old? For the sake of the story we'll say they can.

But what happened to Sora and Larxene? After fifteen years of murder attempts, Sora finally gave up, joined with Roxas, and married Namine. They had two children. Sora briefly considered trying to destroy Riku for making Axel and Kairi get married, but then realized that Riku was now a hit man and decided that he didn't want to get hit.

Larxene went back to the castle that never was and trying to get Marluxia to like her. It didn't work. Marluxia turned down invitations to everything, and didn't like having her around.

"_Could you leave? Your bad vibes are killing my flowers."_

But Marluxia was forced to deal with it, because Larxene wasn't going away. Anyway, back to Kairi and Axel…

So they're sitting on the front porch, looking off into the sunset as Jeff leaves to make his way in the world(s).

"_Wow. And here I thought this marriage would never last." Kairi said as she wiped a tear from her eye and waved goodbye to Jeff._

"_But we made it." Axel replied. _

"_And here Riku thought I wasn't going to take his dare to marry you."_

"_WHAT!?!" Apparently Axel had not known this._

"_Oops…"_

_Axel summoned his chakrams and Kairi pulled out her flowered Keyblade that she got in KH2 and the two began to fight._

Oh well. Here we go again...

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**T.A.R.N.S.:** And that's my entry for Kaiora's Fanfiction contest. Three cheers for slash bashing! Man, I don't like slash. It's like a cancer on the KH section.

Anyway, some of you might be thinking, 'why didn't you just put this one in with "If Axel Married Larxene"?' This one was for a different purpose than that one, so I wanted this to be a different story. They aren't two separate chapters of the same story, they're two separate stories. Of course, I own nothing besides the plot, and Jeff. Credit goes to (and I forgot to say this last time) purpleNova823 for her origional story.

Anyway, I hope everyone likes it, especially Kaiora.

Oh, and one more thing…

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_Axel and Kairi eventually ended their fight. After all, they'd had a good Twenty years of marriage. But there was still one thing they decided to do…_

_Riku was getting ready to eat when he heard his doorbell ring. Notwithstanding the fact he was just about to eat, he went to answer the door._

_As soon as he did, though, he got two fists in his face; one from Kairi and the other from Axel. He was flat on his back a moment later._

"_Well I fell better now." Axel said. _

"_Me too. Now tell me you'll take me to dinner." Kairi said._

"_I'll take you to dinner." Axel said as he offered Kairi his arm, which she took. As they walked off into the sunset, Axel asked, "Does this mean we're going home now?"_

"_No, Stupid. It means you're taking me to dinner at a nice fancy restaurant." _

_And so, leaving Riku laying flat on his back in his own doorway, the two of them strode towards the sunset, down the road, and off to a nice fancy restaurant. _

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**Fin **

**XD**


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